Written by Final part of the trilogy
I am too dependent on “hope” , I know that now.
When the smoke enters my lungs, it feels like my heart is burning and yet, in the quiet of that chaos, I “still find traces of you”.
Not in reality, not in presence…but in the way my mind refuses to let go of what it once felt.
You sit beside me in those moments not as someone real, but as someone my soul remembers too vividly.
Your presence feels like a strange kind of healing, as if even the illusion of you knows how to calm what the world could not.
The nights were never silent with you.
I could hear the distant hum of insects,the soft flicker of fireflies glowing somewhere in the dark and yet, I never truly saw them.
“I was too lost in your eyes”.
Those eyes…
I wished to frame them in my mind for eternity.Not because I could understand them but because I knew I never would.
Your eyelashes falling over them like a waterfall guarding something sacred a place I could enter, but never escape.And maybe I “never wanted to escape”. I could hear you humming softly,feel your fingers move through my hair ,a calm so unreal, it felt like the world had “paused just for me”.
In that moment, I wasn’t searching,wasn’t thinking,wasn’t broken.I just existed… “with you”.
I slept like a child in a place that never truly existed.I could compare it to heaven ,but I won’t.Because even heaven feels like an understatement,when I think of what you felt like to me.
And yet…
You were never mine.
You are not mine, and you never will be.I have no claim, no right, no place in your world,and still, something inside me resists that truth.
Maybe it’s jealousy.Maybe it’s the foolish belief that love must come with possession.Or maybe it’s just the human heart,trying to hold onto something it was never meant to keep.
I once believed,that without jealousy, there is no love.Now I wonder,if sometimes, love exists quietly,even when it has nowhere to belong.Sometimes, in the silence,
I imagine being asked—
“How does it feel?”
And I don’t think I’d have an answer.Because how do you explain loving someone who “exists more in your mind than in your life?”
In my dreamland, you are still there.Just us running through valleys,hands intertwined like something eternal.In the vast silence of the Himalayas,
I place flowers in your hairs,not to make you more beautiful,but to give myself the illusion that I could add something to what was already infinite.
You stand there, untouched, unreal, “unforgettable”.
“My Queen of Dreamland”, my consecrate, my love…
You were never mine to hold,only mine to feel.And maybe that is where I was meant to stop.
Perhaps we were nothing more than a fleeting alignment,a moment that felt infinite,yet was never meant to last.
“I found a home in you that never truly existed”,and yet it felt real enough to become a part of me.
I know I will never wake up beside you never brush the strands of hair from your face and tuck them gently behind your ear,just to sit there and admire the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.And maybe that is a reality I cannot change…but it is also a dream I cannot erase.
I know this is not something I can live in and yet, I choose not to forget it.
Not as a hope that waits,not as a wish that lingers…but as something I once felt, completely.
You are the most beautiful illusion,I chose to believe in And maybe…“a part of me always will”.
“.. .-.. — …- . -.– — ..- .- …- .- -. – .. –..– .- .-.. .– .- -.– … ..- -. … .–. — -.- . -.”
It’s about loving someone who was never really yours, someone who lives more in your mind than in your life. Their memory feels like comfort, like a place where you once felt safe, even though it was never real in the way you wished it to be. You hold onto the illusion because it gave you peace, warmth, and a sense of belonging that reality never did. You know you can’t have them, yet the feelings remain—soft, painful, beautiful—something you choose to remember, not because it gives hope, but because it once made you feel alive.